Let's Talk About Sex, Baby
- Ella's World
- May 24, 2019
- 6 min read
(Yes, I'm ripping off the title of that classic Salt 'N' Peppa song, very original)
I'm here today to bring the awkward topic to the forefront of your mind. Let's talk about sex - OR, if you're experiencing the sex education system for the first time - let's NOT. I'm about to have a bit of a rant, but stick with it, it's really important.
As a teenager, I felt completely bewildered about anything to do with sex and contraception. A lot of the fear I experienced came from what I feel was a lack in sex education, alongside the inevitable social anxiety caused by giggly boys and girls that turned sex into a complete taboo.
In year eight, I believe, we were given C-Cards - cards that you can hook to your keys and take to a local pharmacists to get free condoms. We were given one demonstration from a sexual health professional on how to use condoms, which my teacher found so funny and embarrassing that she had to leave the room.
This is my main memory from school education in regards to sexual health. Of course, we covered what happens during puberty, and watched an awkward little cartoon video in year 6 - but that's it.
The example given to me that sex is so embarrassing that an adult teacher had to leave the room because of it, was not a good one. That did not teach me that sex and contraception are as important as the rest of the curriculum, and considerably more applicable to life than Algebra.
I felt completely clueless about contraception when I left school and have learnt most of what I know about it through personal experience.
I recently went to the doctors for my third contraceptive injection - the Depo Injection - given in one bum cheek every 12-13 weeks. Before starting the injection, I was on one of three contraceptive pills I've tried in the last four years.
The reason I have changed contraceptives so much is because of the side-effects. The mood swings, the sadness, the stomach cramps, the headaches, the nausea. Of course, these side effects are explained in the pill package and are a result of a trial-and-error basis, but I had no prior knowledge about what the pill even did until I started taking it at 17.
I fully believe that alternative contraceptive methods should be discussed in more detail in schools. I don't remember ever being taught about them. Granted, a lot of these things you learn about as you go along, but I was astonished at how much was available to me and just how little I knew.
Alongside returning for the Depo Injection (much easier not to think about having to take a pill every day), someone else's experience has really brought this topic to my attention and I have not been able to shake it.
A short while ago, a young boy - I'd say no more than 15 or 16 - came up to me and my friend in Boots and asked for a favour. He offered a ten pound note so we could buy him a morning after pill.
I cannot get this out of my head.
I had to explain to the young boy that the girl who needs the pill has to take it on the spot at the pharmacy, in front of pharmaceutical staff. Either that, or you can pay (up to an astonishing thirty pounds) online to have them delivered.
The girl he was asking for was nowhere to be seen, and when I told him that this was the case, he kind of just disappeared out of the shop.
I wanted to help him. It bothered me that this young couple clearly weren't aware of how this sort of thing worked, so-much-so that their first port of call was to ask strangers for help instead of doctors, and it has been playing on my mind ever since.
Why don't kids learn about this in school?
They teach you the word 'sex' and they tell you to use condoms, but to my recollection (and please correct me if I'm wrong) they don't go into detail about what to do in this situation.
I know now that for this young boy, this experience is the thing that will have taught him how it all works, but I can't stop wondering why that wasn't clear in the first place.
Both boys and girls alike should be taught more about what contraceptives are available to women, what the side effects are and the best places to go for help if these fail. Most people nowadays will turn to the internet for advice, and the internet is a scary place when you're trying to find out things about your body, (anyone who has ever Googled any symptoms for anything will agree that the generic internet diagnosis is cancer or death...)
Across the world, the sex education system differs, as well as societies approval of sex ed for that matter. In China and India, sex ed is non-compulsory, and has seen a large rise in STI numbers over the years as a result. The Netherlands on the other hand, teach sex education to children as young as four.
This has sparked debate as to whether it is suitable for four-year-old's to learn about sex, but Switzerland and Holland are among the countries that have the lowest rate of teenage pregnancies. Their education program covers age appropriate lessons on consent, contraception and relationships, STI's and pleasure.
There has been a literal positive correlation between low teen pregnancy rate and young sex education, which only makes me wonder why we as Brits have to consider sex so crude.
It's all over the media, in magazines and music videos (which is a whole other debate worth having) kids see it everywhere, so why can't we talk about it?
It is one of the most basic human desires. It is natural, it is normal.
I watched a very relevant episode of Eastenders recently (please, no judgement). There is a current storyline in which a 17-year-old got pregnant on the implant (a hormone based plastic rod inserted into your arm as a form of contraceptive), as she had sex the same day as getting it fitted.
Any doctor or nurse will tell you that with hormonal contraceptives such as the implant, pill or injection, there is a 5-7 day waiting period for it to be effective.
This Eastenders storyline only highlighted that even if the education is there, some people do not take it in, which is only likely at the tender age of 17 when sex is just something to be had.
But, if we cracked down on sex ed then at least the information would be there in the first place, then I suppose it is partially down to the individual to pay attention to what they need to know.
I know it's an awkward thing to come to terms with. As teenagers experiencing this for the first time, as parents figuring out when to talk to their kids, for my parents and my nan I imagine, who are probably reading this view of mine for the first time.
Being a teenager is unkind - everything sort of happens at once and there's a lot to take in, without STI's and babies being at the top of the list of worries. My mum's life lesson to me before any party or social gathering as a teenager would always ring through my head: 'Have fun. No Aids. No babies.'
I've been going round in circles with this whole debate for a while now, and haven't drawn any miraculous conclusions, just that the education system needs to have a more relaxed, less awkward approach to teaching sex ed.
Perhaps it was just my school that gave me this generalised idea of the entire British education system, I don't know. Maybe there are some of you who feel you were given the right knowledge at the right time by your school.
I would love to know how you feel about the sex ed system, through your experiences, but I understand that that is a very personal thing.
So, I leave you with these thoughts. Consider how you were effected by the sex ed system, what you wish you'd learnt sooner or whether these lessons are just part of life, learnt as you go along.
Looking at it in a lighter way, I also leave you with this - what I think should be used in schools to teach kids about sex and relationships in life (and y'know, with a side note of female independence):
Stay safe. x
A quick NHS contraception guide: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/what-is-contraception/
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