Peeing On the Go

I'm here to discuss a topic that we can all relate to. Not necessarily one that people want to talk about, but certainly a scenario we've all been in. When you're on a long, long journey and your bladder simply gets the better of you.

Isn't it a pain when you set off to travel, bladder empty, mind prepared, and then no longer than an hour into your journey that inkling of a feeling creeps back into your lower belly.

It's subtle at first. You think you can ignore it.

But now it's in your head.

It's a mind game. A whole deal of self-control. You whisper to yourself, 'not yet,' but your bladder eventually wins.

When you're in a car, zooming past service stop signs, the reassurance is there. You can go soon. Let it all out.

I find that on a plane, the need to pee is actually quite fun. This whole concept of peeing in the sky - even though the toilets are claustrophobically tiny, you're peeing in the sky.

Crazy.

What I find the most stressful about peeing on long journeys, is when you're on a coach, which I was only a couple of days ago.

I took a six hour coach journey back to Bath recently, and quite proudly only had to pee once. I have a system when it comes to Megabus journeys. I always venture to the loo when we leave Plymouth coach station.

It's about half way and slow as we leave the city, so I don't have to worry about flying along the motorway and peeing at 80mph.

I always get stressed when walking down the insanely steep stairs to the tiny little box of a toilet, which always has wet hand prints on the door lock. Gross.

I was being thrown left right and center, trying to pull my trousers up without headbutting the sink. Then I couldn't find the flush and almost pressed the emergency alarm (which I did do in KFC once).

They don't make it easy.

I remember my first Megabus journey where I made the mistake of sitting in the window seat and a man sat next to me, blocking my exit. By the time I needed to pee, the man had fallen asleep with his headphones in and his hat over his face, so the awkward clamber and 'excuse' me was quite stress inducing.

Even worse than that, was the time I was on a train back from somewhere with my Dad and my Nan. I wondered along the carriage to the nearest loo and joined the queue on this busy summers day.

I got into to the luxuriously spacious cubicle, pants round my ankles, and the DOOR OPENED BECAUSE I FORGOT TO LOCK IT.

Humiliation. The entire queue of people looked absolutely horrified. And because the door lock button was so far away, I couldn't risk standing up in front of everyone, so I sort of just sat there. Just sat there all red in the face, waiting for the door to close in slow motion as people's faces hid behind their hands.

So yes, when I get the Megabus back to Falmouth tomorrow, I will have to take a deep breath before I walk like Bambi along the isle to the toilet.

I think my amount of panic and planning when it comes to peeing on public transport is justified, as most of my experiences have been somewhat traumatising.

I don't know why I reminded myself of all that, so close to my return to the dreaded Megabus toilets.