I Would Suck in a Zombie Apocalypse

They’re coming for you, flesh hanging from their teeth but they’re still hungry. This is it. Do you run? Maybe jump the bins and climb the fire escape. Do you hide? There’s a garage door behind you, surely that would keep them out. Or, do you do what I do? Hyperventilate and pass out.

Whilst I like to call myself a zombie fanatic, these reanimated creatures are also one of my worst fears. The idea of being chased and torn apart by something that was once human, maybe even someone close to you, all bloodied and smelling like death – doesn’t really sit right with me.

Some of the worst dreams I’ve had have put me right in the middle of a zombie outbreak. I’ve had to hide. I’ve had to kill. I’ve woken up drenched in sweat and terrified. It always gets me thinking how I would actually handle this situation should it occur.

Like many, I’ve been a part of the Walking Dead fandom since the very first episode (no spoilers please, I've not seen season eight!) However, what it has brought to my attention is that I would surely be the first to go in a battle between the dead and the living.

Any season’s finale episodes have been far too much to take in, but it was the fourth series mid-season finale (remember? That big ol’ prison rampage led by the Governor) was pretty intense if you ask me, so much so that I had a little ‘episode’ myself.

The zombies were piling up in masses. War was declared. My heart was pounding. My breath shortening. Then I lost feeling in my hands. Then I got dizzy. Next thing I know I am convulsing on the sofa next to my dad, completely numb and drifting in and out of consciousness.

It was all just too much.

Don’t worry, it wasn’t serious. The doctor told me it’s just my response to a chemical imbalance I have. No biggie. What worried me most is that my own brain couldn’t handle even the concept of testing the limits of survival, so it decided to shut down. My natural instinct is to curl up in a ball and block it all out. Useless.

It’s easy to imagine that you would be able to kick ass in life-threatening situations, similar to the ones we see on TV. That you could tactically survive an ambush of walking corpses and not get eaten alive.

Just think, when it comes down to it, (I mean, fingers crossed it doesn’t. That’s really not how I want to go) what does your instinct actually tell you? Does it push you towards fight or flight? Or in my case, freeze and flop.

In a battle against these wretched monsters, I can guarantee that my method of cowering in fear would not get me far at all.

You can’t beat the dead by playing dead.